Thread: Dark Ages - My own novel

Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1 Dark Ages - My own novel 
    Banned

    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Age
    26
    Posts
    948
    Thanks given
    183
    Thanks received
    254
    Rep Power
    0
    --------------------------------------------------------
    You should know before you start reading that this is only the first three pages of the book, I am planning on writing a full novel (only time will tell how many pages, since the three pages I have wrote are not long in real-time.)

    For those of you who don’t know, the start is from the FUTURE, hence the *** afterwards, so forgive me if you are confused. Thanks, all criticism is welcome. I know it starts a little boring.

    --------------------------------------------------------



    It had been over a thousand years since the Battle of the Gods, although its memories lingered throughout the city Septimus called home, Kryanite. The remains of the houses that perished in the Dragon fire of the battle were still among the other buildings in the city; but none in the village had the courage to approach them, afraid that it might spark up an old ‘force’ as they liked to call it. Septimus felt a surge of pity build up inside him, they were unaware of the harsh danger that was approaching them, and they were – in the eyes of Septimus - delaying their own fate. As the rain droplets hit the face of Septimus he spun around, almost expecting danger, although saw nothing but the deserted streets around him. He looked up as the sky rumbled, almost as if warning all those who walked among this planet of what was coming. It had begun; the Old Gods were rising…

    *****



    Chapter One: Sticks & Stones

    ‘Septimus, for the last time… get up!’ the voice of a woman echoed throughout the inn, waking up all those in the building. Septimus groaned, he had expected some peace on a Saturday morning; although unfortunately didn’t find it. He awoke in the midst of the calls, too tired to return a shout however forced himself to open his eyes. At once he felt himself blinded by the harsh sunlight coming through the window to the left of his room, regretting that he had opened his eyes, he clambered out of bed.

    Septimus was a scrawny boy with short cut, jet black hair that was raised at the front, almost like a wave that so many would point out to Septimus’ annoyance, he had attempted to flatten it many times but came to the conclusion that it was simply held frozen in that position. He attempted to keep himself awake, but to no success – his eyes were half open although Septimus saw nothing, still blinded by his tiredness. He was surprised he was still standing, and just as that thought entered his mind he found himself tumbling around his room and heard the clatter of the items he was knocking down, in his attempt to stay awake; he became unaware of his surroundings.
    It was a small room, comparable to a large wardrobe, although to Septimus it was home & therefore nothing could be better. To the corner of the room, furthest away from the door lay a mattress where Septimus slept, most felt it was uncomfortable although Septimus did not take it for granted & greeted it with great enthusiasm every night after a long journey to the blacksmiths. To the left of it lay what was the remains of a broken wardrobe, however the Rail still stood, therefore Septimus deemed it worthy to its job & hung his clothes (well, he didn’t own much apart from two ragged shirts & a pair of worn out jeans but he did it all the same) every day, trying to remember the last time he had washed them.
    On the walls hung framed pictures of Septimus’s own artwork, and for a second Septimus admired his designs, most were drawings of buildings & inventions that Septimus had dreamed of creating as a young child. As he stood there lingering on his dreams that he never saw through, he suddenly remembered why he had awoken.

    “Okay, okay! I’m coming” called Septimus down the long flight of stairs, and to his relief the shouts stopped, although what followed was worse.

    “Oi! ‘oo the bloody ‘ell do you think you ar’? This inn dun’ just belong to you lot, so shut ya blimmin traps!” trailed the angry voice of Septimus’ neighbour, who Septimus had never seen although assumed him to be a big man who wouldn’t flinch at the first hint of an argument & he was proved correct when his mother’s voice responded.

    “’Are you talking to me you big fat oaf? Don’t make me come up there!”
    Septimus groaned, wishing that he had woke up at the first call that his mother had given, because he was sure this argument would last for at least another hour or so. He shut his bedroom door & lay on his bed; going back to the thoughts of his young childhood dream & wondered if it was still a possibility. Losing track of time in his thoughts he did not hear the loud thuds of his mother coming up the stairs, until the door slammed open & in his fright, Septimus shot out of bed, trying to make the impression that he was dressed & was simply waiting for the argument to cease so he could leave, although his mother saw past him (as always.)

    “Septimus… please, for the last time. I’m doing this for your own good, would you like to get thrown off your apprenticeship?” asked his mother, Septimus was ready to retaliate in a pleading tone although decided against it; it wasn’t best to question his own mother when she was angry.

    “Ugh, alright… I’m going. I don’t see the point though, Vladimir hates my guts – I’m almost a hundred percent sure I won’t get the job” said Septimus, awaiting a reply.
    Vladimir was a big man, one of the most highly respected blacksmiths in the county & most would have seen Septimus to be lucky to have landed an apprenticeship with him, although Septimus would be inclined to disagree. Vladimir was a perfectionist, and not a great teacher at that either; he expected Septimus to make swords without teaching him the ways & would punish him severely if he made a mistake (not that Septimus told anyone, he did not want to worry his family.) He almost wished that he wouldn’t get the apprenticeship, in fear of becoming like Vladimir himself – however he didn’t need to wish, Septimus thought to himself, he was very likely to have failed the apprenticeship because although Vladimir did not know it, most of the ‘work’ Septimus had done whilst under his apprenticeship was bought from another county blacksmith, and Vladimir was likely to find out sooner or later.

    “He took on your four brothers! Now stop complaining and get out the door, before the innkeeper throws me out for strangling you!”

    If you took the time to read this, thank you. It's a work in progress. Admittedly it's not great, going to try & shape it up. Paragraphing may be done a little horrible since I did this on word & upon posting it here it all messed up so I had to skim through it and see where to insert the paragraphs. Doesn't exactly 'flow' as well as I hoped, will fix up all this in later days.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  2. #2  
    rsprojectrunescaperemake2 006scape


    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    187
    Thanks given
    59
    Thanks received
    25
    Rep Power
    99
    Septimus was a scrawny boy with short cut, jet black hair that was raised at the front, almost like a wave that so many would point out to Septimus’ annoyance
    When doing character descriptions try and include it with some sort of motion, eg:
    "Septimus ruffled his jet black hair from side to side in an attempt to flatten his curling waves"
    If you just describe a character it doesn't read or flow brilliantly, just a tip.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  3. #3  
    Registered Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    5
    Thanks given
    0
    Thanks received
    4
    Rep Power
    0
    Nice mate can't wait till you continue it
    Reply With Quote  
     


Thread Information
Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)


User Tag List

Similar Threads

  1. My own Style.
    By Inside Sin in forum Showcase
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 02-01-2008, 11:59 AM
  2. How to create my own cache?
    By alongu in forum RS2 Client
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 01-16-2008, 05:53 PM
  3. How to create my own cache?
    By alongu in forum RS2 Server
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-11-2008, 08:24 PM
  4. HELP ME plz... HOW! do i make my own server??
    By junkcrap83 in forum Tutorials
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-10-2007, 04:53 PM
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •