Thread: The Official Jokes & Riddles Thread

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  1. #11  
    Respected Pr0ud Dad

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    Old but funny like hell ..
    Diary of a computer Newby

    July 18
    I just tried to connect to America online, which I've heard is the best online service I can get. I can't connect, I don't know what is wrong.

    July 19
    Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?

    July 20
    I bought the modem, I couldn't figure out where it goes though, it wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.

    July 21
    I finally got the modem in and hooked up. A three year old next door did it for me.

    July 22
    The three year old kid next door hooked me up to America online for me. He's so smart.

    July 23
    What the heck is the internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this internet thingy. I'm confused.

    July 24
    The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. He must be a genius at least compared to me.

    July 25
    I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. Maybe I need to buy a microphone.

    July 26
    I found this thingy called Usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online, not Usenet. I went to the doctor today for my regular checkup. He says that since I connected, My brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size.

    July 27
    These people in this Usenet thingy keep using capital letters. How do they do that? i never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

    July 28
    I found this thingy called the Usenet oracle. It says that it can answer any questions I ask it. I asked it 44 separate questions about the internet. I hope it responds soon.

    July 29
    I found a group called rec.humor. I decided to post this joke about why the chicken crossed the road. To get to the other side! ha ha! I wasn't sure if i posted it right so I posted it 56 more times.

    July 30
    I keep hearing about the World Wide Web. I didn't know spiders grew that large.

    July 31
    The oracle responded to my questions today. Geez, it was rude. I was so angry that I posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d. I wasn't sure if it posted right so I posted it 22 more times.

    August 1
    Someone told me to read the FAQ. Geez, they didn't have to use profanity.

    August 2
    I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited, I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup i could find.

    August 3
    I just made my signature file. It's only 6 pages long, So I will have to work on it some more.

    August 4
    I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the Earth. I wonder what an "aol" is, however.

    August 5
    I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked, but I cant find that group.

    August 6
    Some guy suspended my account because of what i was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.



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  2. #12  
    STOP TRYING TO BE ME.

    Mint's Avatar
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    This is the same things you ask me on msn... IM THAT 3 YEAR OLD BOY
    ​I need a new signature.
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  3. #13  
    Jv
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    Ok , here I go,

    on a day a dutchman and a belgian were on a journey with a boat, the ship got wrecked and the spent days in the open sea , until they saw an island wich they got onto, after they eat something some canibals apeared, they said if you can come back withing 30 mins with 30 pieces of fruit they would not be eaten, so they went searching for fruits, the belgian arrived first with 30 grapes, the head canibal said if you can put those 30 grapes in your ass without lauging whe let u live, Ok said the belgian. He already had 29 grapes in his ass and then he started laughing, the head canibal ask : man you were at 29 why did you laugh ??? the belgian said : I saw the dutchman coming with 30 coconuts

    sorry for bad translation
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  4. #14  
    Respected Pr0ud Dad

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trance Nation View Post
    This is the same things you ask me on msn... IM THAT 3 YEAR OLD BOY
    Roflmao! why did ya took it personal thou? did it remember you those days? or something? lolll



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  5. #15  
    STOP TRYING TO BE ME.

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    A man goes into a barbas shop and says to the girl can i have all my hair shaved off? The girl replies "Certainly sir, please sit down i will be with you in 5 mins"

    The man sits there and the lady comes through "If you would like to sit down" The man sits down.

    The man then says "What ever you do, DO NOT TOUCH THESE HEAD PHONES OF MY HEAD"

    The girl nods and starts to cut five mins into the cut the women knocks off the head phones but no one noticed. Finish the cut and the man drops dead.

    The women shocked picked up the head phones and listened the words said were

    "Breath in...Breath out..Breath in...Breath out"

    Crap but funny.
    ​I need a new signature.
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  6. #16  
    Puff Puff Pass

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    HAHA pk3r kyle!!! thats a good one!
    2006 Member
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  7. #17  
    Matty
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    A young mother was teaching her son how to take a pee. So she syas how to in steps.
    1.Take out your crown Jewles
    2.Pull Forskin back
    3.Let nature take its course
    4.Push forskin forward
    5.Put away your crown jewles
    6.Flush the toilet.

    She regulary heard her son saying the numbers of the steps 1....2....3....4....5....6! All done mummy!

    But one day she walked past his room and was disturbed to hear: 2...4...2...4...2...4

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  8. #18  
    ....huh?

    Edge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by h y b i r d View Post
    A young mother was teaching her son how to take a pee. So she syas how to in steps.
    1.Take out your crown Jewles
    2.Pull Forskin back
    3.Let nature take its course
    4.Push forskin forward
    5.Put away your crown jewles
    6.Flush the toilet.

    She regulary heard her son saying the numbers of the steps 1....2....3....4....5....6! All done mummy!

    But one day she walked past his room and was disturbed to hear: 2...4...2...4...2...4

    ROFL HALARIOUS! I ROFL for real!
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  9. #19  
    20lbs of pussy and ass

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    What do you call a bunch of blondes in a refridgerator?

    - Frosted Flakes.

    How do you know a blonde has been usuing your PC?

    - The JoyStick is wet.

    What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

    - Pull the pin and throw it back.
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  10. #20  
    ....huh?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Afro View Post
    What do you call a bunch of blondes in a refridgerator?

    - Frosted Flakes.

    How do you know a blonde has been usuing your PC?

    - The JoyStick is wet.

    What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

    - Pull the pin and throw it back.
    Lol the second and third ones are hilarious. The 1st one i don't get
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